Off Topic Sunday: Does Not Liking Quentin Tarantino Make Me A Mutant?


Any time I declare this I always get the same look people had when that one dude in Total Recall took off his glove and had that weird chicken wing arm thing. I can’t think of many directors that get the same free pass as he does for making, in my crazy mutant opinion, two good movies: Pulp Fiction and that one part of Four Rooms with the Zippo lighter bet. Ok so one movie and a section of another. Maybe Kill Bill 2 could be in there. Maybe.

Now I have to admit that I’ve been accused of having less than main stream opinions on movies. I’m not one of those people that only like a movie if it’s made on a 10k dollar budget and ends up just as depressing as it started. (IE Every independent movie ever.) I enjoy movies that are thought provoking and relevant as questions like “What would green smell like?” or “Why do I have 10 ten toes?” However, I liked Star Trek: The Motion Picture the most out of the six because I felt it was very Star Trek like and the most intense of the bunch. I liked Alien 3 more than Aliens (Only after watching the Director’s cut version though) because it had more thought out undertones. I think that Kill Bill 2 is far more interesting than 1 because it had story minus a bunch of tools running around like they’re athletic (See The Matrix). I also still find Godzilla versus Mechagodzilla to be the best, even though Godzilla 2000 is far superior in ever aspect, because that one part where Gozilla and King Caesar are standing in front of and behind, respectively, Mechagodzilla and they think they have it flanked when it turns it’s head around to look at King (With it’s laser eyes) and swings out it’s missle hands at Godzilla almost as if it was sayin, “You thought you got me, but I got missles b–ch. You ain’t got s–t. ”

Three things you can take from that: I probably don’t line up with your tastes, I do have thought out excuses for my “condition”, and I am a massive geek. I honestly feel that at this point I need to boost a car, take some E, and bench press 800 pounds at the same time to offset the horrendous black hole of geek I just created that threatens to pull us all in to an alternate, more geeky version of the world. No one wants that. No one but Adam Savage wants that.

At this point, you might see where I’m coming from. I’m clinically insane. However, that doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to an opinion on Tarentino. The guy is like a 12 year old with a budget.

Remember when you were 12, watching Power Rangers, sitting in a rocking chair, while lathering yourself in a mixture of peanut butter and motor oil? Probably not (But if you do, call me) but you might remember watching a movie like Aliens and thinking “What if the aliens could talk?” or “What if the Aliens could use guns, that would be sweet cause they would be all like ‘What up!’ BLAM BLAM ‘Screw you Marines!'” And let’s be honest, there’s a reason why you weren’t making films at 12… or probably even now. (Honestly? Aliens using guns? What the hell were you on at 12?) Every time I see one of his movies now, that’s all I can see: Tarantino lathered up in pean… Wait… I see Tarantino sitting around writing some movie, probably a masterpiece about a child who is taken from his family, forced into slavery, and then finds a way to unite the slaves against the slavers and bring peace to the his people. Followed by weeks of “What if aliens some how helped him free his people?” and then “What if the aliens give him awesome laser weapons and then there’s a scene where he’s all like ‘I’m gonna make them pay’ while standing on a mound of dead slavers and then he points the gun at one that’s still sort of alive and shoots him and his head explodes and the aliens start dancing in joy! Oh man that’d be cool.” (You might also call this the “Lucas effect”) Somewhere, at some point, the good ideas he may have go from a smooth riding train to a train that just lost a wheel, jumped the track, and is plowing through some childrens’ hospital.

And guess maybe that’s the problem I have with him. It’s clear that the guy is good with conversations and characters. It’s clear that he could be a premier writer. It just seems like the 12 year old side of him takes over at some point. Oh well, that 12 year old has done him well financially so who am I to say what’s good?

In the end, it just comes down to preference. Maybe I don’t have the part of the mind that gets satisfaction from way over the top insanity in movie form (I think it’s seated somewhere in between the part that enjoys chili cheese fries and the part that makes people stop and stare at highway accidents.), and if you do well more power to you. Just don’t judge me based on my thinking he’s straight up overrated or that he isn’t a god of filming. Then again I’m not the kind of person who looks for religious overtones in the Star Wars series, so maybe I’m just too dumb to see the brilliance.

Oh and side note: HE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HERO EXCEPT WITH HELPING WITH PUSHING UP THE TIME LINE OF THE US RELEASE. Don’t f–king even think he had any real hand in what’s probably the best epic movie in existence.

Other Note: Apparently resident “computer wiz” Andre refused to read more than the title of this post. He’s one of them…

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